(no subject)
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
momsalive1I am honored to report that I was asked for advice on a resume. A resume to gain admission to an uncensored group, but a resume none the less. Here is my clever reply. Once again, I have totally cracked myself up.
The process by which the moderators make their membership choices in any sex_god_uncensored community is a closely guarded trade secret, although many suspect it involves a special sauce. I do, however, have some general advice I have gleaned from the many books, websites and counselors taking money from desperate job seekers. Using Mr. Bean as an example, here are some tips.
Be yourself. This is the first, and most important, item on your “To Do” list. Before you can be dishonest with others about who you really are, you need to know what, exactly, you want to share, and what you want to keep hidden until the end of time. Do you prefer het to slash? Think tongue porn is stupid? Like Mr. Bean in silly hats? Then come out of the closet! Give yourself permission to claim your own self-identify, however disgusting and weird, at least to yourself.
Dream big. This is the time to imagine all those impossible dreams people assure you that you can achieve, but that any thinking person will recognize as, well, impossible. Ask yourself: where do you see your relationship with Mr. Bean going?
Wrapping your brain around this question sometimes requires tricking your “inner critic” and going to the heart of your squee. Try this. Go to that special place where you can let your mind drift – for many people this is talking on the phone while driving at 70 mph on a crowded highway – and close your eyes. Ignore your day-to-day worries, the screaming from the back seat, the sickening thud of metal-on-flesh. What comes to mind? Mr. Bean on a white horse rescuing you from your job and plunging a rusty, dull spear into your boss? Greeting you at Burger King with “I want to give it to you your way” and a leer? Go with it! Don’t censor your thoughts based on what you thinks is “normal” or what would have had you burned at the stake in 8th grade.
Know your strengths and weaknesses. The Big Picture is important, but think carefully about how you want to spend your time, day in and day out. Being a sex toy sounds fun and exotic, but can you spend hours in 4-inch spiked fuck me shoes? A furry thong? On your knees? An internship may help you identify what you really enjoy doing. Local frat houses will often provide an opportunity to volunteers willing to come early and stay late.
Network. Experts agree: you have to let your friends, family, acquaintances, and random people on the street know you are looking for work. Don’t stop there, however. Make use of any chance encounter and you’ll be surprised what you’ll find. Casually mention Mr. Bean the next time you chat with your mechanic. If his eyes light up, then you may have found an ally. Ask your librarian if she has any historical novels based on the British army. If she hands you a Sharpe book with post-it notes (color coded to kink and pairing) marking “the good parts” then it’s a safe bet she can introduce you to others with expertise in perving on Mr. Bean.
In essence, in sum and in closing: work your plan and don’t give up. If nothing else, you and your inner slut will bond more closely than you ever thought possible. And that’s a good thing.
The process by which the moderators make their membership choices in any sex_god_uncensored community is a closely guarded trade secret, although many suspect it involves a special sauce. I do, however, have some general advice I have gleaned from the many books, websites and counselors taking money from desperate job seekers. Using Mr. Bean as an example, here are some tips.
Be yourself. This is the first, and most important, item on your “To Do” list. Before you can be dishonest with others about who you really are, you need to know what, exactly, you want to share, and what you want to keep hidden until the end of time. Do you prefer het to slash? Think tongue porn is stupid? Like Mr. Bean in silly hats? Then come out of the closet! Give yourself permission to claim your own self-identify, however disgusting and weird, at least to yourself.
Dream big. This is the time to imagine all those impossible dreams people assure you that you can achieve, but that any thinking person will recognize as, well, impossible. Ask yourself: where do you see your relationship with Mr. Bean going?
Wrapping your brain around this question sometimes requires tricking your “inner critic” and going to the heart of your squee. Try this. Go to that special place where you can let your mind drift – for many people this is talking on the phone while driving at 70 mph on a crowded highway – and close your eyes. Ignore your day-to-day worries, the screaming from the back seat, the sickening thud of metal-on-flesh. What comes to mind? Mr. Bean on a white horse rescuing you from your job and plunging a rusty, dull spear into your boss? Greeting you at Burger King with “I want to give it to you your way” and a leer? Go with it! Don’t censor your thoughts based on what you thinks is “normal” or what would have had you burned at the stake in 8th grade.
Know your strengths and weaknesses. The Big Picture is important, but think carefully about how you want to spend your time, day in and day out. Being a sex toy sounds fun and exotic, but can you spend hours in 4-inch spiked fuck me shoes? A furry thong? On your knees? An internship may help you identify what you really enjoy doing. Local frat houses will often provide an opportunity to volunteers willing to come early and stay late.
Network. Experts agree: you have to let your friends, family, acquaintances, and random people on the street know you are looking for work. Don’t stop there, however. Make use of any chance encounter and you’ll be surprised what you’ll find. Casually mention Mr. Bean the next time you chat with your mechanic. If his eyes light up, then you may have found an ally. Ask your librarian if she has any historical novels based on the British army. If she hands you a Sharpe book with post-it notes (color coded to kink and pairing) marking “the good parts” then it’s a safe bet she can introduce you to others with expertise in perving on Mr. Bean.
In essence, in sum and in closing: work your plan and don’t give up. If nothing else, you and your inner slut will bond more closely than you ever thought possible. And that’s a good thing.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2005-03-22 02:32 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-03-22 08:20 pm (UTC)This is so brilliant, I really think you ought to have it copyrighted. :)
although many suspect it involves a special sauce
Ssshhhhhh.....don't tell!
Being a sex toy sounds fun and exotic, but can you spend hours in 4-inch spiked fuck me shoes? A furry thong? On your knees?
I'm trying like hell...*points to icon* :D
*snoggles you senseless*
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Date: 2005-03-22 10:24 pm (UTC)I was thinking of your icon when I put in about the shoes. My inner slut wears them all the time.
I am so glad you liked this.
***rugby tackles***
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Date: 2005-03-22 10:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-22 11:57 pm (UTC)Fabulous piece you have me cracking up too - thanx.
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Date: 2005-03-23 07:26 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-03-24 04:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 05:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 04:40 am (UTC)A sensible thong, then? Maybe a sturdy cotton-blend, with side pockets for extra cleaning supplies.
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Date: 2005-03-23 01:28 am (UTC)Oh, dear, thanks, I needed that.
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Date: 2005-03-23 07:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-31 02:24 am (UTC)Go to that special place where you can let your mind drift – for many people this is talking on the phone while driving at 70 mph on a crowded highway – and close your eyes.
*rolling on the floor*
Thanks for your help! *hugs*